What happened to Refined for Christ? Lack of transparency and honesty. Shame, guilt, backsliding, and living a life I knew I couldn’t “preach” in one hand and sin in the other. Christian backsliding is a topic that often remains untouched when it is too many Christians’ reality, so let’s take a moment to get personal and, more importantly, get back to God.
How I Drifted Away From God in 2025
2025 was a year that almost took me out of my purpose and God’s will altogether. I was too focused on pleasing people, my flesh, and earthly desires that would soon mean nothing. And frankly, I never want to get that far from God again because it was a dark place, so what exactly was this dark place?
The Danger of Being Unequally Yoked
I started the year in an unequally yoked relationship, which did not bring me closer to God but drew me further, and I was in this relationship until August of that year. I posted on my Instagram page about 20 times that year and let the blog die completely.
I wasn’t locked in on my purpose and didn’t give God the same attention I was giving this man. And I fear that this is how the enemy traps a lot of women, by presenting a man whom they think they can “fix,” but actually ends up being the reason why their relationship with God is basically non-existent. Christian backsliding can be sneaky if you aren’t constantly spiritually aware, as the devil is tricky. Because he has been studying humanity since its beginning, he knows exactly what we will fall for.
Why Unequally Yoked Relationships Pull You Away From God
It is so pivotal who you get acquainted with, even if they claim to be Christian. And despite them saying they believe in God, believing in God is not enough; you have to live out His commandments. John 14:21 says, “He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.” We cannot say we love Christ, then turn around and not follow His commandments and do whatever we want. That’s hypocrisy.
There must be a daily surrender to God from both sides in a relationship. You may not be perfect, but there must be effort to be better than the day before and a practice of spiritual discipline. Dating someone who lacks that surrender and discipline puts you and your relationship with God in a vulnerable state, which is exactly what happened to me. This is why unequally yoked relationships are dangerous because they can slowly pull you out of God’s will without you realizing it.
Sexual Immorality and Spiritual Discernment
Despite saying I love God, I believe in God, we fell into sexual immorality early on and would stop and then fall again, and it was a repeating cycle. Because of it, I was too blind to see that I should’ve left the moment boundaries were crossed, and my flesh started to become overbearing in my life.
This is why in I Corinthians 6:18 Paul tells us to “flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.” It defiles us, clouds our judgment and spiritual discernment, and we begin drifting away from God, now outside God’s will for our lives. It serves no benefit outside of marriage besides instant gratification that leads to shame and guilt after sin, and it is primarily how the devil distracts Christians, so remain vigilant.
This is what I believe really clouded my judgment for the better part of the year, which then led to depression, getting back into old habits, and drawing further away from God. It is a cycle of spiritual warfare, so I warn against pre-marital sex in any form; it will never satisfy you and only lead down a dark path that is hard to get off of.
God’s Grace After Backsliding
Yet, here I am today. And I say this because, oftentimes, when we fall, we forget how to get back up and that returning to God is an option. Proverbs 24:16 says, “For a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again, but the wicked shall fall by calamity.” What happens when you drift away from God is that the devil will begin to convince us that we have to stay down; however, that is not the case.
You Can Still Return to God
Despite you falling, you can get back up. God’s grace is sufficient, but the important piece to this is not to abuse God’s grace. Don’t take this as a sign to sin and get up because “oh God will forgive me,” because there comes a time when you can grieve the Holy Spirit so much that He leaves, and your heart gets hardened against God and His will.
We have that grace because when we genuinely mess up and come to true repentance, we can rebuild our relationship with God as if it never skipped a beat. And that’s what God is doing with me now, rebuilding. People often wonder how to get close to God, but the first step is to turn away from your old self and surrender your will to God. Backsliding as a Christian does not have to be your cycle; you can remain victorious, as Romans 8:37 says, “Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.”
How Shame and Guilt Keep Christians Stuck
In your walk with Christ, it is important to remain focused on your Christ goals. For me, it is this blog that I completely lost sight of in 2025. I didn’t post a single blog that entire year because I felt guilty, shameful, depressed, and overall like I couldn’t come on here and talk about God and His goodness while in my mess.
Those are major signs you are out of God’s will, when an overwhelming shame comes upon you that takes you out of purpose. I was a Christian struggling with worldly desires and battling spiritual warfare, and I felt I had no place to speak on how to cultivate a relationship with Jesus.
How the Enemy Uses Distraction to Destroy Purpose
And that’s exactly where the devil wants you, shameful, guilty, feeling like you’re too far gone to go back to God or to the things He told you to do. The devil planned to kill this blog and other things as a part of my destiny because John 10:10 says, “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”
That’s why Christian backsliding is more common because people are too ashamed to truly repent because they don’t feel worthy enough, but luckily, it was never about being worthy, just God’s love.
However, you give the devil an inch, he is 100% going to take a mile, maybe even two, because that is his plan; to get you to entertain old habits again but this time pull you deeper.
Why Christians Must Stay Spiritually Vigilant
Jesus freed us to stay free. He didn’t free us so we can just willingly put back on chains. Because once you do that, the chains will be heavier than before. In John 5:14, when Jesus healed the lame man who had his infirmity for 38 years, He told him, “See, you have been made well. Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you.”
This is why it’s so important to stay vigilant, because otherwise we let our guard down and provide an easy opening for the devil to enter our lives again. That’s why I Peter 5:8 tells us to “be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” I was going back, opening the door wider and wider, which is why it was difficult for me to come back. But it doesn’t have to be if you close the door and keep it closed.
Don’t Let Fleshly Pleasure Destroy Your Purpose
The devil wants to destroy you and will use anything he can to do so, so we must remain spiritually vigilant and not let our guard down. This is what I did most of 2025 is let my guard down and I paid the price for it in multiple ways. Don’t let fleshly pleasures kill your God-given purpose, because flesh is temporary, God’s will is eternal. Don’t forsake heaven for weed, sex, getting drunk, anger, jealousy, whatever it may be you struggle with; don’t let it cost you heaven.
Killing the Flesh Daily as a Christian
One of the main reasons why I fell so hard was because I refused to kill my flesh. Luke 9:23 says, “Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.” We have to make the active choice to follow Christ every single day and say no to our flesh, and I was not doing that. I was choosing to follow my feelings that were based on fickle things, on whether the relationship was going well, if money was nice, if I felt pretty, stupid things in relation to Christ.
We have to decide every single day, not just once, that we are doing what Jesus called us to do. And what is that? Matthew 28:19 states that is, “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.” I wasn’t actively living a life that would’ve made disciples or spreading the Gospel in the unique way God intended me to.
Flesh vs Spirit According to the Bible
So ask yourself, with your current lifestyle are you living in Matthew 28:19? Or you living out Romans 8:5-6 “For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.” A life full of fleshly desires and pleasures that will soon lead to death and eternal separation from God?
Nothing, and I repeat, nothing on earth is worth forsaking eternity with God. No blunt is that good, no amount of sex, alcohol, partying, gossiping, is worth eternal suffering in hell and a life without God.
A lot of people fail to realize the glamorized life Hollywood gives sin isn’t all that it’s hyped up to be. Behind the scenes, it’s a life full of depression, misery, insecurity, doubt, jealousy, and more. I’m not just saying this, but I lived it, maybe not to the extreme of others, but enough to wake me up and never want to put ANYTHING above God again. It’s not worth it, no matter how much your friends pressure you or how much tv tells you it’s so great to go out and sin freely, it is not worth it.
The Truth About Living Outside of God’s Will
Living a life like that will put you outside of the will of God. Going back to I Peter 5:8, the verse ends with saying, “the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” When you’re outside God’s will, the devil is liable to devour you, to steal, kill, and destroy your life. So, make a point to be spirit led.
What Happens When You Leave God’s Covering
Psalm 91:1 says, “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.” if you’re not under the shadow of the almighty then where are you? You are in a vulnerable spot where the devil can easily steal, kill, and destroy your life. In Deuteronomy 28:15, it says, “But it shall come to pass, if you do not obey the voice of the Lord your God, to observe carefully all His commandments and His statutes which I command you today, that all these curses will come upon you and overtake you:” When you’re outside of God’s will, you are under a curse. There’s no exception, no ifs, ands, or buts, you are just point, blank, period, under a curse, and the only way to come out of it is to come back to God.
Last year, this was evident with me; I was depressed, money was tight, I had no time to myself, moments that were supposed to be happy were disappointing, and I barely flourished. God did have mercy. I was still taken care of, and the grace of God paid bills, but five months into this year, I can say I am significantly more blessed now than I was for the 12 months of 2025. Why? Because I have decided to kill my flesh, to follow God’s path, and not let earthly things entice me. And it is not by my own doing, I can only give this credit to the Holy Spirit.
Why We Need the Holy Spirit to Overcome Sin
Romans 8:7 says, “The carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be.” It is literally against human nature to be holy and in the will of God. Which is why we need the Holy Spirit; we cannot boast in the flesh. The only thing the flesh is good for is to send us to hell, so we must rely on God to align us and continually keep us in His will. But it takes two to tango; God can’t do the work for you. You must be willing and obedient. Without that, you are wishing on a star.
How to Rebuild Your Relationship With God
Ever heard people say, if you want change, you have to first want it for yourself? God is never going to force you to choose Him, which is why the verse in Deuteronomy says choose life. It is our choice to do right by God, so don’t be deceived and think it will just come; you have to make the effort.
Draw Near to God Again
James 4:8 says, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” We have to make a move towards God, and in return, He helps us with that purification. Are you actively pursuing that relationship? If so, then you are in God’s will because as you pursue an authentic relationship, the Holy Spirit will guide you. But if you cannot confidently say you’re pursuing a growing relationship with God, and instead the world has you tied up, and your focus is everywhere but on Jesus, I want to propose that changes today.
A Prayer for Anyone Returning to God
God is merciful and is always looking for you to come home. So, make that step and He’ll take His. Say this in faith, “Dear Heavenly Father, I repent of my sins and turn my back on them; I believe Jesus is the Son of God and that He died on the cross for my sins and rose on the third day. I accept Him into my heart now; I confess with my mouth and believe with my heart Jesus is Lord. By faith, I give Him my whole life, heart, mind, and soul. Amen!”
If you prayed that prayer, fill out the I Just Got Saved Page!
I hope this helped, and God bless!
RefinedforChrist 
Leave a comment